Making Peace With Our Choices

My friend Peggy was asked to give a presentation on her layout work for a magazine in front of a large audience of superiors and coworkers. Terrified of public speaking and unsure what she could say that might interest them, she agonized over the decision for several sleepless nights before declining. She expected relief, but that didn’t happen. Though momentarily elated, doubt soon crept in. Had she let her superiors down? Had she given in to fear? When she later came across a line in a book, “Argue for your limitations, and they are yours,” she felt even worse.

She confided in me, voicing her frustration: “Why is it so hard to be happy, even after getting what we want?”

Her feelings were understandable. She had made a choice to protect herself from something deeply stressful, but now she was questioning whether she had held herself back. I reassured her: “It’s okay to feel conflicted—it just means you care about your work and how others see you. But turning down this opportunity doesn’t define you. You’re still talented, still valuable, and still growing. If you ever take on this challenge in the future, you can do it on your own terms, at your own pace. Be kind to yourself—you made the best decision you could at the time.”

She seemed comforted by my words, but our conversation lingered in my mind. In life, we make countless decisions—some we stand by, others we second-guess. The best we can do is learn from them and move forward. The worst thing is to dwell on such choices with regret and self-criticism, wasting energy on negative emotions. Too often, people treat themselves far more harshly than they would ever treat others. I once read a quote that put it perfectly: “If some of us treated others the way we treat ourselves, we would be jailed.”

We readily offer compassion to others yet struggle to extend the same kindness to ourselves. But life is too short to be our own worst critics. My friend’s experience is a reminder that happiness isn’t just about getting what we want—it’s about making peace with our choices.

The key, I believe, lies in self-compassion. Peggy made a decision that felt right in that moment. That was a valid choice, even if she later had doubts. Instead of berating herself for “failing” or “giving in,” she could see it as an act of self-preservation—an acknowledgment of her limits at that time. Rather than focusing on the should-haves and could-haves, she could reflect: “What did I learn? How will I approach similar situations in the future?”

Ultimately, growth isn’t about never feeling fear or doubt—it’s about how we respond to such feelings when we encounter them. Each choice we make adds to our understanding of ourselves, shaping how we navigate future challenges. Peggy’s experience was not a failure but a step in her journey, one that might eventually lead her to take the stage when she feels ready. And when that moment comes, she won’t just be facing an audience—she’ll be standing in the confidence she has built along the way.