By Li Qiu-yue, Tzu Chi Teachers Association
Edited and translated by Wu Hsiao-ting
Graphic by Zhong Ting-jia
Is your child still resisting school, even after spending time in elementary? Learn practical tips to ease separation anxiety and foster enjoyable learning experiences.
A concerned mother asked, “Even after some time in elementary school, my child still resists going every day. What can we do?”
Every child who exhibits reluctance towards attending school has their own reasons. They need support from caregivers and educators.
When my friend’s grandson began first grade, he would cry every morning before school, expressing a strong reluctance to attend. All of the family’s efforts to comfort him proved futile. When they asked why he disliked school, he couldn’t articulate a clear answer. The family turned to the child’s homeroom teacher for advice, and she offered several helpful tips that parents could employ with new first graders.
The teacher recommended that before the school year starts, parents should take their new first graders to the elementary school campus to familiarize them with the environment. This could include playing on playground equipment and visiting a first-grade classroom. If a classroom door is open, they could step inside and sit down for a bit. Parents could explain to the child, “This is where you’ll be going to school in the future. There will be new teachers, classmates, and lots of new activities and things to learn.” This initial exposure can lay the foundation for the upcoming school experience and may significantly ease the child’s transition.
Furthermore, after school begins, parents or older members of the family should establish a daily routine with the child. This could mean saying something like, “You’ll finish school at noon, and either Grandpa or I will pick you up and take you home. Then, we can head to the park to play after you finish your homework in the afternoon. How does that sound?” Laying out these plans will give the child a sense of structure and comfort.
The teacher also offered reassurance, remarking that many children initially cry due to separation anxiety. However, as they become more familiar with their teachers, surroundings, and peers over time, these tears typically stop.
Finding a companion
Across the street from my house, there’s a set of twins who began first grade last September. Every morning at 7:30 a.m., they’d hold hands and sing nursery rhymes as they headed off to school, returning home hand in hand at 4:30 p.m. I never once heard them cry or refuse to go to school. Similarly, at the end of our lane, a retired school principal had a granddaughter who started first grade with ease. She went to school with a smile every day, thanks to a fourth grader living next door who held her hand and escorted her to school each morning.
To help ease separation anxiety before your child starts first grade, consider arranging for him or her to go to school with neighbors or classmates from the same kindergarten. This can greatly reduce crying and resistance towards attending school.
The vital role of teachers
When first-grade students don’t want to go to school, teachers play a vital role along with family members. If a teacher provides enough support, the struggle against going to school might stop right at the classroom door. My friend shared, “It was like magic! I handed my grandson to the teacher, who gently guided him to his seat. Even though my grandson still had tears in his eyes, the crying and resistance suddenly disappeared.” A teacher’s experience and understanding are pivotal. When my friend’s grandson first started school, he’d spend class time alone in a corner instead of at his desk. However, the teacher didn’t compel him to return to his seat. Instead, she waited until he felt better before helping him to his seat, allowing him to gradually acclimate to the unfamiliar environment. After a month, the child was able to attend school happily.
While many first graders have experience with kindergarten and group settings, some may still feel anxious about new places, teachers, and peers. Parents should be patient as their child adjusts and ensure they stick to agreed-upon pick-up times to build a sense of security and trust. At the same time, teachers must be accommodating to new students and provide reassurance in the school setting. With supportive parents, understanding teachers, and the little ones making friends in class, their separation anxiety will gradually fade away, leading to a happier and more enjoyable school experience.
